I've been waiting Since the world stood still A picture in my mind An image left behind I love you and always will All I needed was a miracle To see that I was wrong Yeah, all I needed was a miracle To realize what was going on 'Cause in this world There is only one And in this life Under the sun In this heart Is the life of love In this heart Is the life of love +-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | Daigakusei no Ranma | | | | Created by David Tai and Paul Gallegos | | | | Based on the characters created by Rumiko Takahashi | +-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ =============================================================================== -= Episode 28: "Say You Will" =- =============================================================================== [Thursday night. A light rain, illuminated only by the street lamps, comes down on Ranma Saotome, who is soaked through the light jacket she wears. Ranma-chan carries a small package in a plastic bag.] Ranma-chan: [grumbles] Stupid freaky weather. Can't make up its mind. [She rounds the far corner from Maison Sabaku and sees a figure hastily running toward her, trying to open an umbrella. As she gets closer, she sees that Hitomi is fighting a losing battle with the umbrella. Hitomi stops running and looks skyward for a moment, as if marshaling some inner strength, then tries to open the umbrella again.] Ranma-chan: [approaching] Um... mind if I...? [Hitomi looks up and sees the soaking wet Ranma-chan. She looks at the umbrella for a moment, then thrusts it at Ranma-chan.] Hitomi: [frustrated] If you think you can, go for it. [The umbrella pops open with a flick of Ranma-chan's wrist. Hitomi boggles as Ranma-chan hands it back to her.] Ranma-chan: [walking away] You're welcome. [Hitomi looks at the umbrella in disbelief for a moment, then with a quick backward glance, she races off to work.] Hitomi: [thinking] Who WAS that? [Ranma-chan trudges up the steps to Maison Sabaku's front door. The door swings open to reveal Akane standing in the doorway.] Akane: It's about time! Did you get it? [Ranma-chan hands Akane the plastic bag she carries.] Ranma-chan: [sighs] Yes. Why on earth you insist on chocolate ice cream in the middle of a rainstorm is beyond me. Akane: [quickly breaking open the box] Being half-female, I would have thought you'd know by now. [winks] Ranma-chan: [shrugs tiredly] Whatever. I'm going inside and drying off. I've still got homework to do. [Ranma goes inside, leaving Akane to sit on the bench on the porch.] Akane: [sighs] I couldn't go get it because it was my turn to cook dinner. And I need this for dessert. [shakes her head] Why am I talking to myself? [Akane gets up and heads upstairs.] * * * [Friday noon. Kasumi is in the kitchen, busily cooking lunch, humming a happy tune. Yuriko, in contrast, sits glumly at the small table. From the living room the TV can be heard. ] Kasumi: [finally noticing Yuriko's mood] What is wrong with you today, Yuriko-chan? Yuriko: Nothing. Everything. Oh, I don't know. [ turns away ] Kasumi: [looks curious] Don't you have any experiments to do? Yuriko: No. After the last disaster, I decided to put the HEDSWIM experiments on hold. Besides, have you seen the chaos in my lab? I can't even find my own equipment anymore! Kasumi: Then let's clean it up after we have eaten. I'll help you, too. Once everything is nice and orderly again, you'll feel better. And now let's eat. [The two have a quiet lunch, neither of them talking. After Kasumi has put the plates away, the ladies head for Yuriko's room/lab. As Kasumi opens the door, she freezes. Chaos isn't a word to describe the state of the room. Every free space, including the floor, is covered with paper, opened hi-tech thingamajicks, beakers of chemicals, a few glowing rocks, and less easily identifiable items and substances.] Kasumi: [wide-eyed] Oh my. Yuriko: [shrugging appologetically] I told you it was a mess. [It takes several hours to clear the mess, even with Kasumi's help. Finally, one can see the floor again, and everything is at its proper place.] Kasumi: [smiling] See, isn't this much better? Yuriko: [looks around, grinning] Yes. I finally found the plans for a little something I came up with while working on the HEDSWIM. It's a formula for liquid compression that interacts with large, complex molecular structures... [notices Kasumi's blank look] Anyway, I think I'll start working on that. Kasumi: [smiles] Good. I'll leave you alone, then. [Kasumi turns to leave. Almost at the door, she notices a small, dusty bottle, with a faded label reading 'R-C-5', peeking out from under a shelf. She pulls it out and turns to Yuriko, who is already writing like a maniac, dropping paper left and right.] Kasumi: Oh, we forgot something. Where does this one go? Yuriko: [stops and looks, then goes pale] Oh boy. I completely forgot that one. Um... Kasumi, do you think you could call Ranma and ask him to come over? Kasumi: [puzzled] Of course I can. Why? Is this something for him? [Yuriko nods and takes the bottle, putting it carefully on her working table. Kasumi leaves the room to call Ranma and prepare dinner.] * * * [Afternoon at Maison Sabaku. Sato's apartment. Sato is kneeling in front of an elaborate shrine, contemplating. From behind Sato, a shadow is seen, silently moving around, bored, grumbling. After an extended period of grumbling, Sato comments quietly.] Sato: Yutaga-san, please. It's hard to concentrate while you're whining back there. Yutaga: You know, Sato, if you really wanted to know what the answer to life, the universe, and everything is, I could tell you. Sato: [condescendingly] It's not 42, is it? Yutaga: [smugly] Nah. Life... is a peach. [Sato is taken aback, and turns to face Yutaga.] Sato: Huh? How is life like a peach? Yutaga: [crossing his shadowy arms, mimicking Sato's voice] It just is. Sato: How's that supposed to make sense? Yutaga: I don't know, but it sounds good when YOU say it. [A low chuckle can be heard from the shadow. Sato shakes his head in an annoyed fashion and turns back to his altar. Suddenly, the altar falls apart, the noise as the parts hit the ground unnaturally loud in the quiet room.] Sato: [slowly] This ... is a bad omen. Yutaga: [leaning on him] Duh. What gave you that idea, prayer boy? Sato: [ignores Yutaga and opens a small travelling shrine] I must pray for guidance. [He retreats into prayer, but only minutes later, the small shrine's altar also falls apart.] Sato: [defeated] It is fate. [Behind his back, Yutaga smirks.] Yutaga: Nah, looks like someone squished your peach. [Sato immediately starts gathering things up and packing into a backpack. Yutaga frowns.] Yutaga: Why are you packing? Sato: Only a fool would fight fate. And I'm not a fool. Yutaga: Don't you have an appointment tomorrow, though? Sato: [pauses] You're right. [He continues packing.] Yutaga: [mutters] Emergency departure? Sato: Exactly. * * * [Mid-afternoon at Maison Sabaku. Hitomi walks in the front door, weary from a long morning at work.] Kazuya: [opening her door] Ah, Akiyama-san. Wait a minute, please. I have a letter for you. Hitomi: A letter? [Kazuya nods and vanishes behind her door, reappearing a second later with an envelope.] Kazuya: Hai. Here it is. [looks closely at Hitomi] You look tired. Too much work? Hitomi: [nods] I wish the boss would hire a new waitress... Lately, we have gotten more customers than we could handle! [takes the letter] Arigato, Kanrinin-san. [Kazuya closes her door again and Hitomi goes into her own apartment. Once the door is closed, she sits on the couch next to the table, opens the letter and begins to read.] Hitomi: [muttering] I wonder who's writing me ... [reading out loud] "Dear Hitomi-chan," [She pauses] Dear Hitomi-chan? [shrugs and continues reading] "It has been so long since you last wrote us, and you were never there when we tried to call. We are so worried about you, all alone in that strange place, having to work as a waitress! So, your father and I have decided to visit you next weekend." [Hitomi gets big eyes as she glances at the date on the top of the letter, then looks at a calendar.] Hitomi: B-but that's tomorrow! Oh no! Wait... maybe it won't be that bad. Maybe... [resumes reading] "We look forward to seeing you again, and we'd also like..." [trails off] Oh my. [The letter falls from Hitomi's hands.] * * * [The Saotome apartment. Ranma sits at the table in the living room with an expression of impending doom, though he tries not to show it.] Akane: [from the kitchen] Lunch's almost ready, Ranma! Ranma: [with forced enthusiasm] Great! What did ya make today? Akane: [bringing out a steaming bowl] I decided to try pork ramen, Ranma. [takes a closer look at him and frowns.] My cooking is better now, you know. It didn't kill you yesterday, did it? I seem to remember someone liking what they ate. Ranma: Uh, but that was soup. This is different. [tinysweats] [Someone knocks on the apartment door.] Ranma: [thinking] Saved. [out loud] I'll go and answer the door! [stands and opens the door.] Hel... [Hitomi rushes in and closes the door behind herself. Taking a deep breath, she looks at Ranma.] Hitomi: Ranma, I need you! Ranma: [wide-eyed] Uh ... uh ... [Behind them, the smoke alarm suddenly goes off. Both Hitomi and Ranma turn to see Akane staring at them, completely ignoring the flaming pieces of meat on the stove.] Akane: [exclaiming] N-NAAAAANI??? [The ceramic bowl containing the ramen noodles next to the stove explodes from the heat of the flames and Akane's aura, sending noodles all over the kitchen.] * * * [After the mess has been cleaned up, the three sit down at the table. Ranma still hasn't fully recovered from his surprise, and Akane is trying to stay calm, with moderate success.] Hitomi: [kneeling on floor, bowing deeply to Akane] Please, Akane-san, let me explain. Akane: [forces an even tone] This had better be good. Hitomi: My parents are a bit old-fashioned, and think a girl my age should be married already, or at least engaged. So I told them I had a boyfriend, to prevent them from arranging a marriage. Now, they will be visiting tomorrow, and if I don't have a boyfriend to present to them ... please, you have to help me! [Akane and Ranma exchange looks.] Akane: But why Ranma? Ranma: Yeah, why me? Hitomi: [blushing] He's the only man I know that I trust to stay honorable in such a situation. Akane: What about Sato? He may be annoying, but he's honorable enough. Hitomi: [long pause] I think that asking Sato to pretend to be my boyfriend would be a BAD idea in this situation. Ranma: Are you sure about that? I mean, he ... Hitomi: [interrupting] Ranma, you know Sato's got his own agenda, always disappearing at random times. I can't trust him to stay with me. Ranma: Hmm... you've got a point. Akane: [reluctantly] It's only for a day, right? Hitomi: [nodding] Hai. Does that mean you'll allow Ranma to help me? Akane: [long pause] ... hai. Just don't get any ideas. I'll be keeping an eye on you. Hitomi: [relief clearly visible on her face] Oh, thank you! [turns to Ranma] Please, Ranma, will you help me? Ranma: Um ... [looks at Akane, who nods slightly] sure. Hitomi: [jumps up] Oh thank you! [Akane and Ranma watch as Hitomi leaves the apartment, then Akane rises and gets her jacket and throws Ranma his. Ranma catches it and looks up at Akane.] Ranma: What's this for? Akane: [winks] Since it is clearly your fault that dinner was ruined, you can invite me to a restaurant. Ranma: [indignant] Hey, it wasn't my fault! [She laughs and leans down to Ranma to kiss him on the cheek.] Akane: Silly man. Let's go. [The phone rings. Akane, already at the door, turns to answer it.] Akane: Hello? Oh, Kasumi ... yes, he's here. Yes, I'll tell him. Bye! [Akane replaces the receiver, puzzled.] Ranma: Something wrong, Akane? Akane: No, nothing. Kasumi said you should come over now if you can. She said Yuriko wanted to see you. Ranma: What about the restaurant? [pauses] In fact, where are we going anyway? Akane: [smiles] I was thinking of Oshima Restaurant. Ranma: That's kind of busy, isn't it? [quickly] Not that I'm complaining about the choice. Akane: [pauses] How about this? I go on ahead and get a table, you go see what Yuriko wants and just meet me at Oshima in about 20 mintes? Ranma: [nods] Sounds good. I'll see you there. * * * [After leaving Ranma and Akane's apartment, Hitomi is fairly leaping down the stairs with glee. As she prepares to enter her apartment...] Kazuyo's voice: Akiyama-san? [Hitomi turns around slowly, to look at her apartment manager.] Hitomi: [offering a sheepish grin] Kanrinrin-san? [Kazuyo, however, crosses her arms, frowning slightly, eyebrow arched. A sweatbead slowly trickles down the back of Hitomi's head.] Kazuyo: [mercifully ending the silence] What's got you so excited, Akiyama-san? Hitomi: [offers a big innocent grin] Because my parents are visiting? Kazuyo: [bland expression] Is that so? [Kazuyo starts tapping a foot, awaiting further explanation.] Hitomi: And... uh, I'm happy to see them? [looks at Kazuyo's expression, then sighs] All right, I just... uh, needed to talk to Ranma to ... help me with something. Kazuyo: [gently] Is it really fair to Saotome-san to get him and Akane involved in this? Hitomi: N-no, but they're not really involved, honest. He's just... uh, helping me out. Kazuyo: Oh? How so? Hitomi: [sweatdropping] You're not really going to let me off easy, are you? Kazuyo: [opens the door to her apartment] Trust me, dear, this is better than avoiding the issues. Hitomi: [glances at her watch] Whoops, look at the time, I've got to clean up or I'll be late! Bye, Kanrinrin-san! [With that, she zips back into her apartment. The door clicks. Kazuyo frowns, then sighs and turns back into her own apartment.] * * * [Kasumi and Yuriko's apartment. Ranma walks up the stairs and is about to knock when Yuriko opens the door for him.] Yuriko: Ranma! Glad you came! Ranma: [slightly puzzled] What's going on, Yuriko? Yuriko: [motions in the apartment] Please, come in! Ranma: Actually, I can't. I'm meeting Akane for dinner. [Yuriko's face falls.] Yuriko: Darn. I was hoping to see the results... Ranma: [eyeing Yuriko warily] What are you talking about? [Yuriko produces the bottle labeled 'R-C-5' and hands it to Ranma.] Yuriko: This is a cure for your... changing. [Ranma boggles at the bottle.] Yuriko: Since I kinda caused it, I thought I might as well fix it... Ranma: Wha-? You caused it? [quickly corrects himself] Right! Right! [pauses] So how'd you do it? Yuriko: [brightly] Oh, it was easy! I took some of your leftover hair and tissue samples and manipulated the DNA sequence to force the ... Ranma: [puts a hand behind his head] Uh.. hahaha... um, well, I'm glad you did it. [looks at bottle] Am I supposed to pour it on me, or drink it, or what? [Kasumi enters from the kitchen.] Kasumi: Oh! Ranma-kun! I see you received Yuriko's present! Ranma: Yeah, isn't it great? Kasumi: If you say so! [smiles sweetly] Yuriko: Drink it, but with food... just in case. Ranma: [blinks] Just in case...? Yuriko: [quickly] Oh, nothing! Nothing at all! [pauses] Except maybe some inconvenient cramping and facial twitches. Ranma: ... Yuriko: I can't test it on anything. It's matched specifically to your DNA. Ranma: ... Kasumi: Ranma? Did you bring Akane? Ranma: Uh... I'm supposed to meet her for dinner. Kasumi: Well, then shouldn't you get going? Ranma: Right! [to Yuriko] Arigato! [Ranma turns and runs down the steps. Yuriko watches him go.] Yuriko: Oh shoot! I forgot to ask him to write down any effects he experiences! [to Kasumi] Should I call him tonight? Kasumi: That would probably be a good idea. [turns to go upstairs] Did you remind him not to mix the potion with alcohol? [Yuriko pales.] Yuriko: I forgot... but he doesn't drink, does he? If he doesn't, he'll be ok... Kasumi: [brightly] I'm going to go upstairs and study. Be sure to close the door behind you if you go out. Yuriko: [slowly] Hai. [Yuriko looks off in the direction Ranma headed, then grabs her lab coat from the rack and takes off after him.] * * * [A residential street not far away from Maison Sabaku. Sato is walking down the street, carrying a backpack. He tries to look casual, but fails miserably, as every woman on the street stops whatever she is doing to look after him as he walks past them. As he passes by a small shrine surrounded by a low bamboo fence, an old man sitting on the front steps calls out to him.] Old Man: Ichiro-kun! So good of you to come by tonight instead of tomorrow! [Sato flinches, but turns his steps toward the shrine, stopping in front of the old man and bowing deeply to him.] Sato: Konbanwa, sensei. [The old man returns the bow, then stands and walks into the shrine, motioning to Sato to follow him. Sato sighs and does so. Both men sit down in front of the shrine's altar.] Old Man: Ichiro-kun, it has been three years since we first met. You were a troubled young man searching for inner peace, and I decided to help you on your path. You have come far since then, and learned many lessons, although you still have a distressing tendency to gather curses like some people collect Sanrio. You have even further to go, but I have confidence in you. Still, I sense that something troubles you greatly. Sato: Sensei, as I was praying today, something happened. My altar broke apart, and when I opened my traveling shrine to pray for guidance, its altar also broke apart. It is an omen of bad things to come, I fear. Old Man: [nodding] Yes, yes ... a bad omen indeed. The kami are angry with you for something, my friend. Yutaga: [barely audible] There's a newsflash... Old Man: Did you say something, Ichiro-kun? Sato: [sighs] No, sensei. Old Man: Anyway, what did I want to say? Ah yes ... The fox that escapes the knife will fall prey to the arrow. Sato: Pardon? Old Man: Convenient escapes aren't. Sato: What do you mean, sensei? Old Man: The easiest path is also the longest. Sato: Are you saying ... I need to stop running? Old Man: Very good, grasshopper. This is my final lesson to you. [The Old Man produces a prepared backpack out of nowhere and stands.] Old Man: As my chosen successor, this shrine is now yours. Don't worry about the paperwork, I've already arranged everything. [gets ready to leave] Sato: Wait, sensei! Where are you going? And what do you mean, this shrine is now mine? Old Man: I'm off to somewhere where no one will bother me ever again. Maybe a remote valley somewhere in Tibet that no man has entered in ages, so I have peace to contemplate how life is like a peach. And since someone has to take over the shrine ... [beams widely] Well, congratulations on your new job! And don't forget, shrine hours are Tuesdays and Thursdays from nine in the morning to seven in the evening! [walks out, whistling] Sato: [despairing] Why me, Kami-sama? Yutaga: [appearing behind Sato] Why are you crying about how life dumps on you? Just be quiet. You don't have to go through what I have to suffer every day. Sato: [puzzled] What do you mean? Yutaga: Do you think I LIKE the view every time you're on the toilet? Sato: ... [Now that it is quiet inside the shrine except for the crackle of the small fire, noises can be heard from outside. More specifically, voices. Female voices.] Sato: [listening] Uh-oh. [Sato stands and opens the front door just a tiny bit to peer out and sees all the girls from the street in front of the shrine. Closing the door again, he looks for a back exit.] Yutaga: Trying to run again, Sato? [The altar starts creaking ominously.] Sato: [bows his head in defeat] Only a fool would fight fate, and I am not a fool. [Sato hesitates before opening the door.] Sato: The one good thing about all this... whatever happens to me happens to you as well, Yutaga. Yutaga: ... So what's your point? [Sato opens the door, letting Yutaga see the mob of women ready to enter.] Yutaga: ACK! NO! WAIT! Maybe we can talk about this, eh, Sato? Ol' pal? Buddy? * * * [At Oshima restaurant. Akane is sitting at a booth by the window, sipping a neon green drink. Ranma walks past the window, and Akane sticks her tongue out playfully at him. Ranma waves back before walking inside.] Ranma: [sitting down in booth] What's that? [motions to drink] Akane: It's called a "dive bomb". It was a drink special. Ranma: I think I'll pass. Did you order yet? Akane: [holds up glass and giggles] Just this. Ranma: [grins] How MANY did you have before I got here? Akane: [pauses] One. [giggles] But it was HUGE! Ranma: [rolls eyes] Oi! Akane: [sips drink] Did you find out what Yuriko wanted? [Ranma produces the small bottle labelled 'R-C-5' and sets it in the middle of the table.] Ranma: This is it. Akane: [stares at bottle] WHAT is it? Ranma: [folds arms across chest] It's SUPPOSED to be a cure. Akane: For wha- Oh! [raises an eyebrow] REALLY? Ranma: Yup. [exhales slowly] [Akane looks at the bottle, then back to Ranma, then back to the bottle again. The bottle starts to get annoyed, but not as much as Akane.] Akane: So why haven't you drank it already? Ranma: [blinks] Hmm? Oh, I'm supposed to do this on a full stomach, according to Yuriko. Akane: [grins] Bottomless pit, you are. [The waitress comes by to take their orders. She looks quizzically at the bottle.] Waitress: Anou... you aren't allowed to bring drinks in here. Ranma: It's ok, it's not alcohol. It's just an experiment. Waitress: [unsure] Experiment? [The waitress picks up the bottle to examine the label. In the corner of the label, it reads in very tiny letters "Property of Yuriko Murata". The waitress' eyes grow to twice their size and she hastily places the bottle back on the table.] Akane: Something wrong? Waitress: [hurriedly] N- nothing... [looks at her watch] Oh, my shift's over. I'll get your replacement right away! [The duo watch the waitress hurriedly run into the kitchen. Seconds later, the same waitress rushes out of the restaurant, coat in hand. As soon as she gets outside, she breaks into a full run down the street.] Akane: Was it something I said? Ranma: [looking at the bottle] More like something she read. [shows the label to Akane] Looks like Yuriko's been to this restaurant before. Akane: THAT explains the big black mark on the floor by the next table. [points] [Ranma turns to see a HUGE black mark on the floor underneath the next table, where something seems to have exploded and burned itself out. He looks back at the bottle he is still holding.] Akane: [grins] Wanna drink it now? Ranma: I DEFINITELY need to eat something first. Akane: Good. I could use another "dive bomb". [Ranma raises an eyebrow but signals a nearby waitress. Ten minutes later, several plates of hot and steaming food cover the table. Ten minutes after that, several empty plates are stacked off to one side of the table.] Akane: So, are you ready to do this? Ranma: [blinks] Do what? Oh, right. [pauses] Yeah, I guess so. [Ranma uncorks the bottle and sniffs. Not smelling anything, he pours half of the contents in an empty glass with ice. At the same time the waitress comes over to clear away the empty dishes. Setting down her pitchers of tea and water, she manages to pick up the entire pile. As Ranma is about to drink, a misplaced fork slides off the stack, falling to the ground. The waitress nimbly steps to the side, bumping the table, causing everything on it to tumble over onto Ranma and Akane. In the blink of an eye, Ranma has transformed.] Akane: [surprised] AAAA! [Akane looks down at herself, then gingerly pulls her blouse away from her chest. Ranma, now female, is still holding the empty glass that once contained Yuriko's experiment. She looks at Akane, who tries not to laugh at her expression of quiet discomfort.] Waitress: [bowing profusely] Oh, I'm so sorry! Let me get my manager! [The waitress leaves quickly, returning moments later with a tall, balding gentleman with a purple tie.] Manager: [seeing mess] I see... [to Akane] Your meal is on the house. Please accept our apologies. Waitress: [blinks] W- where did the guy go? Akane: [quickly] What guy? Ranma-chan: Yeah, what guy? Waitress: I could've sworn... Ranma-chan: [grabs her own chest] Hmm. Nope. No guy here. Wait! I can make sure... [begins to unbutton her sopping wet shirt] Akane: I think she gets the point, Ranma. Waitress: [stammers] No, no! I believe you! [bows] Please accept my profuse apologies! Manager: [to waitress] Go get a mop and some towels. [to Ranma-chan] If your blouses need to be dry-cleaned, please send the bill here, care of myself. [The waitress disappears as the manager hands Ranma-chan a business card, who places it in her shirt pocket without looking at it.] Ranma-chan: [sighs] Let's get out of here, Akane. Manager: Again, if there's anything I can do... [bows] Akane: No, no, I think we can manage, thank you. [The two depart as the waitress returns with several towels and a mop. She moves all the leftover dishes and cups, including Ranma's bottle, to the next table before beginning to clean. At this point, Yuriko enters the restaurant.] Yuriko: I could've sworn he ducked into ONE of these places... [Her gaze rests on the large black mark on the tile floor next to the booth being cleaned.] Yuriko: Eep! I'm not supposed to be... [sees bottle] Hey, that's my bottle! [Yuriko walks over and picks up the bottle. The waitress, not seeing Yuriko behind her, bumps into her while mopping the floor.] Waitress: Gomen, but this booth is not ... [recognition crosses face] YOU! Yuriko: [quickly dropping bottle into lab coat pocket] Umm... sorry, must've made a wrong turn! Ja! [Before the waitress can react, Yuriko runs out of the restaurant. As she leaves, her billowing lab coat gets caught on a nearby chair. With a quick tug, she frees it, but not before a small, gray object falls to the ground with a clink. Everyone in the restaurant freezes and turns slowly to look at the object.] * * * [An hour later, outside Maison Sabaku.] Voice: [from inside] WHADDYA MEAN IT DOESN'T WORK?? [Cut to inside Room 4. Akane's face is red with anger, while Ranma-chan's is red from frustration. Ranma-chan is also dripping water on the floor.] Ranma-chan: Exactly what I said! It doesn't work! Akane: But... but... [sputters] How did this happen? You didn't drink any of Yuriko's ... did you? Ranma-chan: NO! Of course not! I didn't have the chance! It spilled all over the table along with your drink. Akane: And you're SURE that Yuriko said it only works if you drink it? Ranma-chan: That's what she said. It's hard to get the words "drink it" confused with "pour it on yourself". Akane: [frowns] I don't get it. Ranma-chan: [sighs loudly] Look, I'll just go over to Yuriko's and see if she can fix this. [opens door] Akane: Just be sure to be home before midnight, ok? And don't let her put anything on your head. [Ranma-chan waves a hand in dismissal as she leaves, closing the door behind herself.] Akane: Hmph. Looks like it's gonna be another sleepless night tonight. [She goes over to the freezer and gets out the box of chocolate ice cream. Grabbing a large spoon from a drawer, so walks over to the futon and settles herself down in front of the TV. The TV blares on about a false bomb threat at a local restaurant, resulting in the restaurant's evacuation and the surrounding area. Several Japanese SWAT team members rush into the restaurant in the background just as a tall, balding gentleman with a purple tie comes on the screen to be interviewed. Moments later, the SWAT team members stream out of the building just as quickly as they entered. Not three seconds later, there is a quiet "poof", and a small column of purple smoke trails lazily out the front door. The gentleman in the purple tie begins to rant about mad scientists when a knock is heard at the door.] Akane: [mouthful of ice cream] Come in! [Yuriko enters.] Yuriko: Is Ranma here? [Akane shakes her head no and swallows.] Akane: Ranma went to your place to look for you. Yuriko: [points] Is that chocolate ice cream? Akane: Yup. You want some? Yuriko: No thanks... You do know what chocolate does to you, right? Akane: Um... what do you mean? Yuriko: Well, it is scientifically documented that chocolate replaces certain chemicals in the body that are usually released upon excitement of various... [Akane blinks, then slowly sets the ice cream down.] Yuriko: [sighs] Well anyway, I was looking for Ranma because I found the experiment I gave him at a restaurant. Akane: [blinks] We left it there? Wow. Good thing you grabbed it. Yuriko: [nods] Yes, good thing. If it had come in contact with any alcohol, who knows what would've happened. I mean, they just throw things in the dirty dish bin without even looking. [Akane lets the spoon fall to the floor and puts a hand to her mouth.] Akane: What did you say about alcohol? Yuriko: [grins] I said that if this [produces bottle] comes in contact with alcohol, the results could be disastrous... or not. Alcohol makes the chemical formula unstable, so there's no telling what will happen. [Akane gets up quickly and picks up the phone.] Yuriko: Who are you calling? Akane: Kasumi. I've got to tell her to keep Ranma there until we get there. * * * [Kasumi and Yuriko's apartment. Ranma-chan, wearing a gas mask and standing on a plastic sheet, is sopping wet. Her blue shirt is now several shades of NOT blue, her once-black pants are now an eerie charcoal with pink spots, and she smells of formaldehyde and ammonia. Akane and Kasumi watch from the stairs to the upper bedrooms as Yuriko, with a clothespin on her nose, continues to mix chemicals and toss them on Ranma-chan. Finally, Ranma-chan holds up a hand and removes the gas mask. Her expression is one of frustration mixed with resignation.] Ranma-chan: [sighs] Yuriko, I guess we should just give up... [waves hand in front of her nose] Phew! This stinks! Yuriko: [shaking her head] Never. I think I've almost got it. Ranma-chan: At this rate, I could end up a newt because you mixed something up. Yuriko: That couldn't possibly happen... ne? Ranma-chan: Stranger things have happened. [looks up at Akane] Can we go now? Kasumi: Here, Ranma-kun, why don't we get you upstairs and you can wash all those chemicals off. Ranma-chan: Good ide... Yuriko: [interrupting] WAIT! What if something reacts with the water? Akane: [snorts] If nothing has happened so far, why should it under a shower? Kasumi: [soothingly] We'll use your distilled water, Yuriko-chan. Yuriko: [visibly relieved] Ok. But I think you'll have to burn your clothes. Akane: That's ok. He's got more. Ranma-chan: Says you! I liked this shirt. Akane: [grins] Well, now you can go around as a flower child if you want. Kasumi: It _is_ a nice look for you, Ranma-kun. Ranma-chan: [sighs loudly] Great. I always wanted to be the poster boy for some fashion emergency. Akane: C'mon, let's get you cleaned up. Kasumi: I have some clothes you can borrow. Ranma-chan: [walks upstairs] Got any jeans? I think I'm done with silk for the day. [pulls shirt away from chest] It just gets sticky when wet. Akane: [grins] Denim it is! [The two go upstairs. Their footsteps fade as they reach the upper story.] Yuriko: [resignedly] I guess I'll keep working on this then. [Kasumi lingers on the upper stair for a little while longer, watching Yuriko slowly gather up her experimental projects. Yuriko suddenly stops and plops herself in the middle of the floor, her hands covering her face, her shoulders shaking.] Kasumi: [whispering] Yuriko-chan... * * * [Ranma and Akane's room. Ranma-chan and Akane are at the table, reading from two playbooks to help Akane practice a part.] Akane: [gets up and hunches over as if she was a hunchback, then speaks while grimacing] Yessss, master, I have brought you the bodies. Ranma-chan: [stares at her for a moment, then laughs loudly] Ahh, yes, my twisted minion, you can put them over there. I must go down to the village and... [starts to laugh] I can't do this with you making faces at me like that. Akane: [with a deep, scratchy voice] I'm not making faces, master. Or do you want me to get you some? [starts to laugh as well] [There is a knock at the door.] Akane: [with the deep voice again] I'll get it, master. [shambles over to the door and opens it] Enter freely and of your own will. [starts to giggle again as she steps back and lets Hitomi in] Hitomi: Akane, what are you... [sees the playbooks] Oh, practicing for a scene? [bows to Ranma-chan] I remember you from the storm the other night. Thank you. I'm Akiyama Hitomi. Ranma-chan: Nice to meet ya. I'm...Tendo Ranko, Akane's cousin. I dropped in for a short visit for a few days. Hitomi: Where's Ranma? I've got to make plans with him for tomorrow. Akane: [frowns] He's...He got called out of town by his father for a couple of days. He won't be back in time. Hitomi: [eyes widen] But...but... Akane: Gomen, Hitomi-chan. If I knew of anyone that could pretend to be your boyfriend, I'd ask. Ranma-chan: You need someone who can pass as your boyfriend? Someone who can act just like a guy in love with you, ne? But won't get the wrong idea? Hitomi: Right. Akane: Yeah. Ranma-chan: Hmm. [thoughtfully] You could ask Ukyou. She's passed as a guy before. Akane: [shakes her head] She's leaving tomorrow morning to go to that museum in Osaka for...whatever she has to do there. [pauses] Or is that next weekend? Ranma-chan: Yeah, you're right. [looks at Akane] Hey, I've got an idea. [grins] You're gonna like this. Akane: [looks back at Ranma-chan] Hmm? Ranma-chan: [looking at Akane] Now, who's someone we know who could pass as her boyfriend and has the talent to _act_ it out well? Hitomi: I'll let my parents marry me to Choji before I go to Tanaka-san for this. Ranma-chan: I ain't thinking about... er, whoever Tanaka is. [looks straight at Akane] Well, you think you can do it? Akane: ... Ranma-chan: My cousin's always been a tomboy. And she's skinny enough that with a little work, she'll pass. Of course, the hard part'll be acting like a guy, but I'm sure a great actress like you can handle it, eh? Akane: I can't, I mean...I'm married, I mean... Hitomi: You don't have to do it if you don't want to, Akane, but I would be really, really grateful. Akane: Well... Ranma-chan: Hey, Ranma was married too, but he was gonna do it. And who can she trust to do this more than another woman? I'd volunteer, but I could never pass as a guy. [laughs very loudly] Akane: [looks at Ranma-chan] I just...you really think I can manage this? Ranma-chan: Acting is what actresses do, right? It's just another role. You'll be fine. Akane: [stares at Ranma-chan for a moment, then says] Yeah, it'll be a real challenge. [hunches over and speaks with the deep voice] You don't mind dating a hunchback, do you? Hitomi: ... Ranma-chan: [laughs] We can dress you up as Gosunkugi. Akane: With or without candles? Ranma-chan: With. I've got a good hammer you can use somewhere around here. Akane: I've got my own hammer. [laughs] Obviously I was born for this role. [As they joke back and forth, Hitomi wonders what she's gotten into.] * * * [Late at night, the upper hallway at the Maison Sabaku. A dark figure comes sneaking up the stairs and towards room 5, muttering quietly as it stumbles in the dark, dropping something. It curses again, this time louder. Suddenly, the door to room 6 opens, and Toshi steps out, framed by the light from his room.] Toshi: [harshly] Who is there? [The shadow steps closer, revealing himself as Sato. His shirt is ripped in several places, and his bare arms show several deep scratches. Also, there are lipstick smears on his face.] Sato: It's me. Toshi: [looks closer] Kami-sama! What happened to you? Sato: I got mobbed again today. [shudders] Some older women too ... they are the worst. Toshi: [chortling quietly] Other people would pay to be so popular with the girls. Sato: [grimaces] I doubt it. Thanks for the sympathy, Toshi-kun. [Sato fetches his dropped keys and opens the door to his apartment as Toshi turns and vanishes into his again, still chuckling.] * * * [Maison Sabaku, the next day, around noon. A silver BMW stops in front of the house, and two people leave the car. The two are middle-aged, the man almost painfully thin, with short black hair already greying at the temples and golden wire-frame glasses. He is dressed in a severe dark grey suit. The slender woman at his side seems younger, but her black hair also shows a few streaks of grey.] Mr. Akiyama: [with a disapproving look at the house] And this is where our daughter lives? Mrs. Akiyama: Apparently yes, dear. My poor little girl ... [They walk up to the house and ring the bell. Kazuya opens the door.] Kazuya: Yes? Can I help you? Mr. Akiyama: We want to visit our daughter, Akiyama Hitomi. Does she live here? Kazuya: [smiling warmly] Why, you must be Akiyama-san. Please, come in. I am Furuya Kazuyo, the manager of Maison Sabaku. [The Akiyamas enter the hallway as Kazuyo holds the door open for them.] Kazuya: Your daughter lives in apartment number two, just down the hall. Mr. Akiyama: [nods] Arigato. [He proceeds down the hall, his wife at his side, and knocks on Hitomi's door as Kazuyo watches them. When Hitomi opens the door, the manager quickly ducks back into her own apartment.] Hitomi: Konnichiwa, otou-san, okaa-san. Mr. Akiyama: Konichiwa, Hitomi. May we come in? Mrs. Akiyama: [steps forward and hugs Hitomi] My poor girl ... I have missed you so! [Mr. Akiyama just sighs as Hitomi extricates herself from the embrace and steps aside, while his wife composes herself again.] Hitomi: Please, come in. [They enter her living room and sit down in silence. Before the silence becomes awkward, Hitomi speaks.] Hitomi: So, how are you? Did you get the promotion you were talking about the last time I was home, father? Mr. Akiyama: I am well, Hitomi. [sits up straighter, pride evident in his expression] I am now the assistant to the vice president of marketing, a position of great responsibility. Mrs. Akiyama: [smiles softly] I am so proud of him. But how are you doing, Hitomi-chan? [looks around] And when do we get to meet your boyfriend? [Hitomi barely manages not to wince at the -chan. Before she answers, though, there's a knock at the door.] Hitomi: [gratefully thinking to herself] Saved! [She dashes for the door and opens it, ignoring her parents' glances at each other for her apparent rudeness.] Hitomi: Hello? [Kazuyo stands there smiling.] Kazuyo: Good afternoon, Hitomi-san. I was just thinking that later tonight, perhaps, you and your family would like to join me for dinner at my place? Hitomi: Well, that's not... Mr. Akiyama: That's gracious of you. We'll accept, domo arigato. Kazuyo: Oh, and Hitomi-san? You're welcome to bring a friend as well. Mrs. Akiyama: That's perfect. [looks over at Hitomi] You could invite your boyfriend. [Kazuyo's eyes narrows, and she slowly nods to herself, as if confirming something. Hitomi, though, is utterly shocked.] Hitomi: Uh, ah... Mr. Akiyama: What was his name... Sa- Hitomi: Uh, yes, yes, I'll invite him, honest. In fact... uh... why don't I call him now? Kazuyo: [sweetly] That's a good idea. I'd love to meet him as well. Hitomi: [sweatdrops] Okay. [She bows to her parents] Anyway, I'm sure you must be exhausted from your long drive here, so... please, rest here while I go and call him! Be right back! Mrs. Akiyama: Wait, dear, don't... [Hitomi bolts out the door before her mom raises a hand to say something.] Mr. Akiyama: [grumbling] Energetic girl. Gets it from me. Kazuyo: [smiling] She'll be back soon. * * * [Hitomi makes a dash for upstairs for Ranma's apartment, where she starts banging the door. Half a second later, she peers through the keyhole, then bangs on the door some more.] Ranma-chan: [opens the door] There you are. [yanks her in] Come and take a look. [Akane stands in the center of the room, nervously combing her hair. She is wearing a aqua blue buttoned shirt with a gray sweater over it and dark blue slacks. The shirt is a bit loose, probably because it's sized for someone larger than her, namely Ranma. The slacks, on the other hand, fit perfectly. A matching jacket lies on the table] Akane: How do I look? Hitomi: [looks her up and down] Your hair is still parted like a girl, and you've got some mascara on still. [fixes collar of shirt] Otherwise, great! Ranma-chan: [blinks] When did you start wearing mascara? Hitomi: [quickly] No time! Just fix it! [They quickly wash off Akane's face, and Hitomi recombs Akane's hair as they head for the door] Hitomi: Part it over here. Ranma-chan: [comes over and alters Akane's posture] Not like that. Walk like this. [walks to demonstrate] Akane: [tugs at her shirt] Binding my breasts hurts. I can't see how Ukyou could stand to do this for years. Ranma-chan: [looks Akane up and down] Ready to go, Hikaru? Akane: Ready as I'll ever be. [She takes a deep breath, puts on her jacket, and strides forth to face the world.] * * * [Hitomi's room. Hitomi walks in, arm-in-arm with a very nervous Akane. Her parents are seated at her table] Mr. Akiyama: So, then we found out that the...ahh, there you are, Hitomi. Hitomi: Hi, everyone. This is my boyfriend, Sato Hikaru. Hikaru, these are my parents. Akane: Um, hi, nice to meet you. [thinks] What did she give me the same last name as Sato for? Mr. Akiyama: [gets up and comes over, shakes Akane's hand] Nice to meet you. [thinks] Firm grip. Good. Mrs. Akiyama: I've been wanting to meet you for a long time, ever since Hitomi told us about how she met you. Akane: [thinks] Oh great, I didn't think to ask her about that. [says] It was a surprising experience for both of us. [Hitomi steers Akane over to a chair and takes another herself] Hitomi: I should have been more careful working up on the roof that day. I'm surprised I didn't kill you when I fell off onto you. Akane: [nods] I was so surprised, I nearly had a heart attack. I thought a shooting star had fallen on me or something. And you screamed loud enough to be heard in the next prefecture. Hitomi: [laughs nervously] Can you blame me? Akane: [claps her hands] It was fate. Mr. Akiyama: [laughs] Naoko and I met after she attended the same New Years' party as my sister. They took each other's jackets home by mistake, and I got stuck returning the jacket. We hit it off. Our parents noticed and arranged for us to be wed. She was a great help to me when I was in college. [looks meaningfully at Hitomi, who won't meet his gaze] Mrs. Akiyama: So what do you do for a living, Sato-san? Akane: I'm a drama major. Hitomi: [simultaneously] He's an artist. Akane: [thinking] D'oh. Wait... an artist? I'm an artist? Mr. Akiyama: So you're in college? Not much money in acting unless you get lucky and get a big break. I'd suggest picking up another major as a fallback. Unless you plan to wait tables the rest of your life. [again looks meaningfully at his daughter, who tries to ignore the look] Mrs. Akiyama: We've got the painting of Hitomi that you did hanging in the living room. It's very good, although the style is rather different from my usual tastes. I hope we'll get to see some of your other work before we go. Akane: I'm afraid I've sold all my paintings; they're how I can afford to go to college. [looks around the room as she talks] This is my second year. [thinks] There's gotta be something around here... Mrs. Akiyama: Looking for something you gave her? [Akane starts, then looks embarrassed.] Akane: [shakes her head slowly] I don't see it. Hitomi: It fell down and the frame broke, and I need to get a new one, so I put it in the closet. [Hitomi gets up, goes to the closet, and brings out a canvas. It is a painting of Maison Sabaku at night, with a full moon and bright stars overhead. Akane stares at the painting in wonder.] Mrs. Akiyama: Very nice. You must be a very talented person to do both art and drama at the same time. Akane: Er... arigato. [thinks] That looks like something Sato would paint. I wonder... [Meanwhile, Mr. Akiyama reaches into his inside jacket pocket and retrieves his wallet. Pulling some bills from it, he tosses the money on the table.] Mr. Akiyama: Here, you can use this to get a new frame. Hitomi: [blinks] Thanks, father. Mrs. Akiyama: So what roles have you played, Sato-san? Akane: Well, my first play, I was Romeo in Romeo and Juliet. [thinks] And now I get to start lying my ass off. Hitomi: [quickly] Show them the part for the play you're working on right now. Akane: Eh, oh you mean... [laughs, stands and slumps over, contorting herself strangely and speaking with a deep scratchy voice] Yesss, misstress Hitomi. Your humble servant Igor lives to obey. [galumphs over to the parents] So these are your parents? Should I prepare the mind transfer machine? Mrs. Akiyama: [laughs] I hope you don't do that on your dates. Akane: [straightens up] That's where Romeo comes in handy. * * * [The manager's room. The table is set for dinner, and Kazuyo is waiting for them to arrive. There is a knock at the door.] Kazuyo: [as she answers the door] Come in. [does a double take when she sees Akane] Hitomi: [desperately] Is something wrong? Is this a bad time? Kazuyo: No, no, come in, come in. [Kazuyo gets the teapot to pour some tea as everyone comes inside.] Hitomi: Where should we all sit? Kazuyo: You and your boyfriend can sit over on this side, and your parents on the other, and I'll sit at the end. [She comes and pours them tea as everyone settles down] Kazuyo: [to Akane] I see you've taken up a new acting challenge. Akane: [very nervously] You know me. I just can't stop. Kazuyo: Indeed. Hitomi: Hikaru has been practicing for ...what's the play again? Something about creatures. Akane: 'The Creature Creeps'. It's just a silly little play we're doing in one of my classes because the instructor is probably insane. I am Igor, the hunchback assistant of the mad scientist. And Lardy gets to be the Creature. [laughs] Kazuyo: [brings the food to the table] So how long have you two been dating? Hitomi: About six months, I think. Kazuyo: Sounds rather serious to me. Set a wedding date yet? Akane: [twitches] We're not ready to go that far yet. Kazuyo: You've both been good tenants. [sits down] Let's eat. [They begin to eat, talking at the same time] Mr. Akiyama: You both live here? Kazuyo: Yes. Separate apartments, I assure you. Perhaps Hikaru should show you his apartment later. It's quite nice. Akane: [quickly] It's a complete disaster area right now. Kazuyo: [smiling] I'd be happy to help you make it presentable. Akane: [thinks] I'm dead. Oh wait, maybe Ranma's contingency plan will come in useful after all... Hitomi: That's very kind of you, Kazuyo, but it's not your duty to clean our rooms. I keep telling Hikaru he needs to stop putting it off, but... [sighs] College keeps one busy. Akane: I'll be back in a moment. [Akane goes to the bathroom, where Ranma-chan is sitting on the sink.] Akane: Kazuyo-san is making noises about the parents visiting our room. Ranma-chan: So you need me to go make it look like a guy's room? Akane: Maybe. Ranma-chan: Well, if things go bad, I've got a plan, so don't panic, whatever you do. Akane: Hitomi had better appreciate this. Ranma-chan: Hey... er.. Akane: Nani? Ranma-chan: Flush the toilet. That way they don't think ... Akane: Right! [Akane flushes the toilet and goes back out.] Mr. Akiyama: I am now the assistant to the Vice President of Marketing. Kazuyo: And what do you do? Mr. Akiyama: I am typically assigned various projects to watch over and periodically report on to him. Most of my current assignments are in our food sales division. We're trying to expand our sales to restaurants. Mrs. Akiyama: [proudly] Mr. Torimoto invited my husband to golf with him after the sales in Hokkaido doubled. We were quite excited. Mr. Akiyama: [nods] I lost, but it was quite an honor. Kazuyo: So when do you plan to enter college, Hitomi? Hitomi: When I can pay for it myself. I don't wish to burden my parents with the expense. Mrs. Akiyama: We'd be happy to help. Mr. Akiyama: You'll take years to earn it, working as a waitress. Hitomi: It won't take me too much longer to have enough to get started if all goes well. Kazuyo: If you don't hurry, Hikaru will graduate before you do, and likely have to leave town to get work. Not much work for actors around here. Mr. Akiyama: [gets up] Excuse me. [He heads for the bathroom. As he opens the door, Ranma-chan leaps back into the shower to hide] Mr. Akiyama: [thinking] Did I hear someone in here? No, looks empty. Although it could be... no, I'm just being paranoid. [He does his business and departs. Ranma-chan gets back out of the shower.] Ranma-chan: [thinking] I should've thought that before I chose to hide in here. [As the evening progresses, Ranma-chan has to hide in the shower several more times. On the fourth time, it's Akane again.] Akane: They want me to show them around campus tomorrow. Ranma-chan: That's a problem? Akane: Someone might recognize me! You'll have to run interference for me. Ranma-chan: Tomorrow is Saturday. No classes. But I'll do it. Everything else going okay? Akane: [flushes the toilet] As long as we don't start talking about sports, I'll be fine. [Akane goes back out. Kazuyo is serving dessert] Mr. Akiyama: Kazuyo-san tells me you're quite the baseball fan, Hikaru. Akane: ... Mr. Akiyama: Who do you think will win tomorrow's big game? Akane: Umm...hold on, I forgot to wash my hands. [She ducks back in the bathroom.] Akane: Who's going to win tomorrow's big baseball game? Ranma-chan: Probably the Yakult Swallows. The Hanshin Tigers have a pretty bad\ pitching staff this year. Akane: Thanks. [Akane runs the sink for a few minutes, then comes out.] Akane: Probably the Swallows. They're up against a weak pitching staff this time. Mr. Akiyama: My thoughts exactly. What about the Giants-Ham Fighters game? I'm thinking the Ham Fighters have the edge in that one. Akane: [thinking] Where's a random kidnapping when I need one? * * * [The next day, at Chez Funsui. Things are going slowly, as the lunch rush has peaked and is beginning to ebb. Hitomi sits down at a table to rest for a minute.] Hitomi: They should be here by now. Co-worker: Who? Hitomi: My parents. Co-worker: [points to the door] Those people? [Hitomi's parents and 'Hikaru' have just come in the door] Hitomi: [stands and waves] Over here! [They come over and sit down.] Mrs. Akiyama: Sato-san gave us a nice tour of the campus. I think you'll like it very much when you start school there next year. Mr. Akiyama: [looks around the kissaten] It sounded more impressive in your letters. Hitomi: [sharply] It's a nice place. Very simple. Not that you've ever had any appreciation for simplicity. Mrs. Akiyama: [loudly] Don't talk like that to your father. [Hitomi and her father glare at each other for a moment.] Mr. Akiyama: [grudgingly] Your uniform looks very nice. Hitomi: [softens] Thank you. Akane: The food is very good. [Ranma-chan quietly slips in the door and takes a booth positioned between them and the bathroom.] Mrs. Akiyama: We'd like it if you and Hikaru could come down to visit us during his next break from school. We hardly ever get to see you any more. Hitomi: [nervously] I...uh...I mean, you're pretty busy most of the time, aren't you, Hikaru? Mr. Akiyama: We already worked out a time with Sato-san. Akane: [looks like a deer in headlights] It won't be for a few months, but... Hitomi: Let me take your order and get you some lunch, okay? [She takes their orders and thinks desperately.] * * * [A little later. Ranma-chan is nursing a drink as Akane stops at her booth.] Akane: Kill me now. Ranma-chan: Hitomi can fake your death or something. It ain't like ya gotta go back home with them for a visit right now. Akane: [twitches] You're not the one on the hot seat right now! Ranma-chan: Never thought I'd ever be grateful for something Yuriko did, but... [laughs] It'll only be a few more hours. Akane: In hell. Ranma-chan: Try being Ryouga's fiancee. Akane: Let's not give the universe any ideas. * * * [A little later. Mr. Akiyama is heading into the kitchen with the manager, while everyone else eats their lunch.] Mr. Akiyama: Now, if you switch distributors you can increase your profits by ... [vanishes out of sight into the kitchen with the manager] Hitomi: He just can't stop. Mrs. Akiyama: I had to prevent him selling leftovers from our wedding as authentic souvenirs. [shakes her head] Your father loves his work. Akane: We got held up because he got into a debate with one of the business professors we ran into. Hitomi: [sighs] There's more to life than money. Mrs. Akiyama: It's not the money he likes, it's the persuading people part. And he cares about you very much, Hitomi. He just doesn't know how to show it sometimes. [Akane sits uncomfortably, clearly wishing she didn't have to sit in the middle of this discussion.] Hitomi: He wanted me to go off to business school and become a good little corporate drone like all his boring friends! [begins pacing about] I don't want to spend my life in an office shoving papers around and dealing with all the mindless office politics! That's why I'm here; I want to earn enough money so I can pay my own way through school and do what I want to do. [frowns] Every boyfriend I've ever had, father told me the guy would be bad for me because he wouldn't make enough money to support me. I don't want to be supported! I want to support myself! Man from two tables down: [angrily] Hey, can I get some service around here? Hitomi: [wearily] Pardon me, mother, I have to work. [heads over to the man] Mrs. Akiyama: [turns to Akane] She can be so stubborn. Akane: [nods] I know. Mrs. Akiyama: [worriedly] We just want her to... to make something of herself. Especially if she isn't going to get married any time soon. A job like this is just a dead end, and... Are you two planning to get married? Seriously. Akane: [nervously] We hadn't really talked about it. Mrs. Akiyama: She needs to do college now, while she still can, and not keep putting it off. Before it's too late. [She and Akane look at each other.] Akane: I think she'll do it before it's too late. I think she just needed to get away from home for a while, so she could feel like her own person. Daddy never really encouraged me to act or... to paint. He wanted me to be a martial artist like him and run the family dojo, but I wanted something more. It's not that I don't like martial arts, I just... at one point they were I all knew, but then ... things changed, and suddenly martial arts weren't something I wanted to build my life around. I had to get out of the house before I went mad. Mrs. Akiyama: Yes, Hitomi told us that you've done a lot of traveling. Akane: [thinking] I wonder where I've been. [says] Has she ever told you about my trip to Ryugenzawa? Mrs. Akiyama: No, I don't think so. Akane: Well, it started when I was a small child... * * * [Later, back at Maison Sabaku. Sato is taking off his shoes as Akane and Hitomi's parents arrive, sans Hitomi.] Sato: Good afternoon, A... Akane: [interrupts him] Ahh, I see my brother got here early. Ichiro-kun, these are Hitomi's parents. Sato: [bows] It's a pleasure to meet you. [thinks] Brother? Why is she dressed as a guy? Mrs. Akiyama: Your brother has been kind enough to show us around town. Now we're just going to go to our daughter's room and wait for her to get home so we can all go out to dinner, and then we're heading for home. Mr. Akiyama: [glances back out the door] The redhead is watching us again. Mrs. Akiyama: There is not someone following us, dear. Sato: A red haired female with a pig-tail? Mr. Akiyama: Exactly! Sato: [glances over at Akane] A jealous ex-girlfriend of my brother, I think. Mind if I take him aside for a moment while you go upstairs? We'll deal with her. Mr. Akiyama: Thank you. I was starting to worry that Sony was sending its spies after me again. Mrs. Akiyama: [rolls her eyes] Of course they were. Come on, dear. [They head upstairs. Once they are out of sight...] Sato: WHAT is going on here? Akane: [laughs nervously] Hitomi told her parents she had a boyfriend so they wouldn't start looking for a husband for her. But then they wanted to meet him, and Ranma's gotten... stuck. Sato: Stuck? Akane: Yuriko tried to cure him, but instead, she just... got him stuck in his girl body and... oh man, he's going to miss all his classes on Monday! Sato: Don't change the subject. So why did you say you were my brother? Akane: Apparently, she told them his name was Sato, and so... I just panicked, okay? Sato: So what is your first name today? Akane: Hikaru. After this guy we knew in school. Sato: [nods] Well, _brother_, I'll play along, but I'm going to have to scream and shout a lot at your _girlfriend_ later. Akane: [twitches] I kept being afraid her mom would try to get me to kiss Hitomi. Sato: It's not that bad an experience. Akane: You've never been a woman. Yutaga: Give him time. [snickers] Akane: Hey, did you hear... Sato: [sighs] Yutaga, if you don't stay quiet, I'll go to the mall every day for the next decade. Yutaga: You'd die. Sato: If you say ANYTHING, I'll die anyway. Akane: Why are you talking to your shadow? [pauses] And why is it talking back to you? Sato: Long story short, I got a goddess angry at me. Akane: [pauses to look quizzically at Sato] This goddess... She's not going to show up in the middle of this and try to get me to marry her or something, is she? Sato: ... Akane: Just making sure. * * * [Later. Hitomi's room. Everyone is seated around Hitomi's table, as Sato and Akane regale them with tales of things that never happened] Akane: [excitedly] So then the helicopter takes off, and Ichiro gets his foot tangled in the cord, and it lifts him into the air, and I tried to pull him down, but it carried me up into the air. So, we're flying over the mountains screaming at the end of a rope. Sato: The pilot kept trying to bang us into the mountainsides. If we'd been thinking clearly, we'd have just dropped off, but we were panicked and... Mr. Akiyama: [laughs] You two should go into writing. Sato: Perhaps. Mr. Akiyama: [grins] It just sounds too good to be true. Akane: [sheepishly] It is. Sato: Well, it's a real temple, but it's not guarded by frog-men and our parents didn't send us to blow it up. Mrs. Akiyama: I think it would make a good movie, though. Sato: [to Akane] Perhaps our sister Nabiki would be interested in financing it, eh? Akane: ... Sato: Our sister is a business major here. She's promoting a hot new band these days. I don't suppose you've heard of Takizushi? They even offered Hitomi a backup singer position. Nabiki has a lot of investments for someone her age. Mr. Akiyama: Good for her. Sounds like she's making something of her life. [pauses, unable to give Hitomi a meaningful look as his instincts dictate] Mrs. Akiyama: [pats his hand] You can save the lecture for when your daughter is actually here, dear. [Mr. Akiyama looks embarrassed.] Sato: She should be home soon. [The door opens and Hitomi walks in.] Hitomi: Sorry I'm late. This idiot dropped a box of... [stares at Sato] What are YOU doing here? Sato: I came to visit my _brother_. I didn't expect to meet your parents as well, but it's interesting talking to them. So when ARE you and Hikaru getting married? Hitomi: [twitches] I'm still trying to recover from the way my last boyfriend dumped me with no explanation. So I'm not quite feeling up to marriage right now, thank you. Mrs. Akiyama: [blinks] I don't remember you telling us about that one. Sato: I seem to remember him having reasons for it. Hitomi: [storms over to him] But it doesn't matter if he doesn't TELL anyone why! And then comes back and tries to act like NONE of it had EVER happened! Mrs. Akiyama: [to Akane] Do you know what they're talking about? Did she date one of your brother's friends? Akane: [nervously] We don't exactly chat about her old boyfriends. Sato: There are things you can't just tell people! It would have made you even more angry than you got if you KNEW! Hitomi: [pokes him in the chest] You and your 'things man was not meant to know!' You don't just DUMP someone without telling them why! I call it COWARDICE! Sato: [gets up] Cowardice? I've faced down things that would eat you in three seconds without even REALIZING they'd done it! [pokes her in the chest] I don't see you going out and dealing with the horrors that lurk in the shadows waiting to wreak havoc! Mr. Akiyama: So how long did Hitomi go out with your brother? Akane: It was months ago, before I moved in here. I... uh... met her through him. Mrs. Akiyama: I thought she fell off the roof onto you? Hitomi: I don't see you dealing with anything NORMAL! [shoves him] You've got no job, no friends who aren't weirdos, you don't ever tell anyone anything until it's too late, and you're the most infuriating man I've ever met IN MY LIFE! Sato: At least I don't lie to my parents and drag other people into it! You've never seen me use other people as pawns for my own benefit! Hitomi: I don't run away from my problems like you! Sato: Inventing an imaginary boyfriend so you don't have to deal with your parents wanting you to get married isn't running away? [getting louder and louder] Running off to another city and wasting your life as a waitress when you could make something a LOT better out of yourself just to get away from them isn't running away? [The parents turn and stare at Akane, who begins to shrink in on herself.] Akane: [thinking] This can't possibly get any worse. [Ranma-chan charges in the door, dressed in one of Akane's blue sundresses, glasses, and a floppy hat. The dress doesn't fit very well, and she's still wearing sneakers.] Ranma-chan: [points at Akane] So, you ARE two-timing me! Akane: ... Mr. Akiyama: WHAT is going on here? Hitomi and Sato: [in unison] We're having a fight! Hitomi: Coming here was the only way I could ever live my life the way I want! Sato: What, they were going to lock you in chains and hold you in the basement? Hitomi: You know what I mean! And what about YOU? You still haven't explained WHY you ran off without ANY explanation! Ranma-chan: [picks up Akane] You'll pay for this! [whispers to her] This has gone south. Let's get out while we still can. Akane: [whispers back] I don't want to run out on Hitomi, but... Mr. Akiyama: WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? Mrs. Akiyama: Everyone out! We have to talk to our daughter. [begins herding Sato out the door] Hitomi: This is my apartment. You can't throw my guests out! Mrs. Akiyama: Well, if you want them to stay... Hitomi: [sighs] Everyone, just... go home. I'm sorry. [sags] [Ranma-chan, Akane, and Sato head out into the hallway.] Akane: So you and Hitomi dated? Sato: [sighs] Yes. Ranma-chan: What happened? Sato: I don't want to talk about it. It's between us. But I'm sorry you all got dragged into this. If I'd known her parents were coming... well, it wouldn't have been like this. [to Akane] You know, I think that story we made up might make a good movie. Akane: You're serious? Sato: I've always wanted to try writing, but I never had any good ideas. Well, we can discuss this later. I need to go brood. [departs] Akane: ... Ranma-chan: [laughs] Well, this was a disaster, but you weren't half-bad as a guy. You don't fake it as well as I can fake being a woman if I have to, but I do have more experience. Akane: I hope Yuriko finds a solution for your problem soon, or you're going to get a lot of practice at that. Not to mention attending your classes is gonna be tricky. Ranma-chan: ... Akane: No more Dr. Tofu to forge sick notes for you, either. Too bad Kasumi isn't a doctor yet. Ranma-chan: Hmm, if we get you a wig... Akane: [backs up] Oh no, I am NOT going to go to your classes and try to pass myself off as you. Ranma-chan: Well, you'd have a hard time with my phys. ed classes, but as long as you just brought the homework for me to do and... Akane: [waves her hands] Oh no, this is the only time I'm doing something like this, ever. Ranma-chan: Well, it's that or I have to miss my classes until Yuriko fixes this. If ever. [frowns] This had better wear off. Akane: [sighs] Your turn to cook dinner. You can fix it while I go change myself back to normal. [They go home.] * * * [We see Sato sitting on his bed, looking at a photo album. One of the pictures shows him and Hitomi, holding hands in front of the Torii at a Shinto Shrine. Another one shows her chasing him around a tennis court, waving the racket like a sword. The third one visible is of her in her work uniform, doing a 'v' salute, in front of Chez Funsui. And the fourth one is of her holding a camera, apparently in the process of taking a picture of whoever took this one.] Yutaga: Time to be maudlin? Sato: Be quiet or I'll go to the mall again. Yutaga: [shudders] I know they can't actually hurt me, but... it just feels like I ought to be in pain when people walk on me. And I can't see anything but feet. [pauses] Do women always mob you like that? Sato: Ever since I got cursed. Yutaga: What, Kuan Yin threw this in to make my life miserable? Sato: No, it happened about a year ago. I defeated K'zgar, the evil spirit of used panty vending machines, and... Yutaga: The WHAT? Sato: [scratches his head] Or was it Dishorga, the evil ghost of Mount Nataka? Yutaga: [skeptically] No Japanese spirit would have a stupid sounding name like 'Dishorga'. Sato: Now I remember. It was a corrupt spirit at a school for girls. I defeated it, and it tried to put the curse of the Maenads upon me. Yutaga: The what? Sato: The idea was that every woman I met would frenzy and try to kill me. I tried to prevent the curse taking hold, but I only managed to alter it. Now, women become irrationally attracted to me and mob me. Which usually results in a beating when they become desperate and all try to carry me off at once. And I can't do anything about it. [sighs] At least that I know of. Yutaga: Well, that's not so bad. Sato: It is if you're trying to tell if someone really likes you or if it's just magic affecting their minds. Yutaga: [looks at Sato, then the book, then Sato again] Like Akiyama. Sato: Exactly. I started to worry that she might not really like me, that it might just be the magic talking. Yutaga: So you did something stupid. Sato: [ignores insult] I had to leave without telling her, because she would have been insulted if I'd told her the truth. I was hoping to find a way to break the curse, but all the omens just led me back here. Yutaga: Dumping her with no explanation or warning was better than telling her the truth? No wonder you managed to make a goddess of MERCY mad at you. Sato: [sighs] It wasn't one of my better plans. * * * [Yuriko's lab. Ranma-chan, Akane, Kasumi, and Yuriko are here. Ranma-chan is seated in front of a very large speaker, looking nervous] Ranma-chan: What does thing do? Yuriko: I'm going to use hypersound to cause the formula I used on you to break down and cease to function. Kasumi: Don't you mean ultrasound? [looks at the speaker] I don't remember the ultrasound machine just being a speaker. Yuriko: That's because this is hypersound. [Everyone else looks nervously at each other.] Yuriko: [hands out earplugs to everyone] Put these in; they'll protect your hearing. [Everyone puts the earplugs in their ears.] Yuriko: [goes over the the controls] Everyone ready? [No one replies.] Yuriko: [turning around] I said, is everyone ready? [Again, no one replies.] Yuriko: Ev...Hmm, I guess the earplugs work better than expected. [Yuriko shrugs, turns the dial to eleven, and flicks the on switch. There is a loud blast of sound, and Ranma-chan goes flying across the room into the wall, which cracks. She then falls backwards and lies stunned. Everyone else staggers about, vibrating. Yuriko flickes the switch to off, gets a kettle off a hot plate, goes over, and pours it on Ranma-chan, who turns male.] Yuriko: A complete success. [Everyone takes out their earplugs.] Akane: [irritated] I could FEEL that. Yuriko: That's why you needed the earplugs. [helps Ranma up] You shouldn't have any more trouble, except that well... Ranma: [frowns] What? [Yuriko whispers in his ear.] Ranma: It'll turn GREEN? Yuriko: Well, your body has to flush the broken down chemicals out. But that's the only side effect. [frowns] If you experience anything else odd, come to me immediately. [sits down and sighs] Gomen. I just wanted to try and get rid of your condition because it's my fault, and without another subject, it's hard to test anything. Ranma: Well, I spilled the stuff on myself instead of drinking it, so it's not all your fault. [stretches] And I'm seriously glad to be back to normal. But that's enough experiments with cures for me for a while. Yuriko: I'd like to do some more experiments to try to cure your condition. [stares at the ground] But I'll understand if you don't want to take the risk. Ranma: Not right now. Maybe once everything calms down. Akane: We'd best be going. Kasumi: See you later, Akane-chan. Akane: Bye, oneechan. [hugs Kasumi, then drags Ranma out the door] Ranma: Bye! Yuriko: At least I managed to fix my mistake this time. Kasumi: It would be better if you learned not to make the mistake in the first place. Yuriko: [goes and puts the kettle back on the hot pad] It might have worked if he'd taken it correctly. Kasumi: You really think so? Yuriko: [sighs] I don't even understand what went wrong with it, although I now know it was far too sensitive to various potential contaminants. [wilts a bit more] I don't even understand exactly how I caused his condition in the first place. I mean, it's hard to correct something when you don't even know the cause. Kasumi: [puts a hand on her shoulder] That one wasn't your fault. Yuriko: Yes it was. It started after he tried to help me with one of my experiments. Maybe I should just give up on science and do something where I can't cause a disaster. [buries her face in her hands] It's like everything I touch crumbles to dust. Maybe I have the science equivalent of a black thumb. Kasumi: You just need to be more careful, Yuriko. You can't fix all the problems of the world in a day. Yuriko: It's just so hard to be patient. Kasumi: [sits down] You remind me of my sister. She was just the same as you with cooking. She couldn't be patient, couldn't go slow because she wanted results now, and in the end, every time she cooked, it was a disaster. I think Father nearly choked to death one time. Yuriko: [nods] I've heard stories about that. Kasumi: There's a lot more riding on your work than just dinner, Yuriko. People could get hurt if you don't learn to be more careful and do things the right way. You could get hurt, and destroy your career. I know it's hard to be patient when you're learning, but... Gomen, I'm lecturing. [gets up] I'm going to go fix dinner. Yuriko: No, I... you're right. I'll be down in a little while. Kasumi: [pauses at the top of the stairs] So was that anything special, or did you just turn your stereo up all the way? Yuriko: I tested the chemicals I used on him and sufficient sound caused them to break down. But yes, it was the stereo turned up all the way. Kasumi: [nods] Dinner will be ready in about an hour. Yuriko: See you then. [Kasumi departs, leaving Yuriko to stare thoughtfully at all of her equipment.] * * * [Later, the backyard of Maison Sabaku. Sato is stretched out on the grass, looking up at the stars. Hitomi approaches him.] Sato: How did it go? Hitomi: [lies down on the grass near him] It was better than being eaten by crazed weasels. Maybe. Sato: So when do you meet your future husband? Hitomi: Better than that. They're both still pretty mad, but I think they understood why I did it. [pauses] They like you. Sato: [glances over at her] Is that good or bad? Hitomi: Good, I think. [rolls over to face him] Will I ever find out why... Sato: I'm under a curse. Ever noticed how I get mobbed by flocks of women? Hitomi: Eh, what's that got to do with anything? Sato: A little while before I met you, I defeated an evil spirit. It tried to curse me so everyone woman I met would try to rip me apart. [rolls over to face her] I managed to partly deflect it, but they still try to carry me off, and I get mobbed, but it's because they're attracted and want to... keep me. It only works on single women, thank goodness, so I've never been beaten by anyone's husband. Hitomi: I still don't get what that has to...oh. [frowns] So you think... Sato: I panicked when I thought of that. I couldn't just tell you... you'd have flipped out whether or not it was true, and I had no way to tell. Hitomi: I'd have thought you were looking for an excuse to dump me, but were too dumb to come up with a good one. Sato: Plus, I'd been feeling like I had to... I don't know, I've been trying to figure out what to do with myself. I mean, I sort of knew, but I didn't know where to go or who to do it with. But now I won't be going anywhere because my master stuck me with his shrine. [sighs] Arranged marriage to a building. Hitomi: [laughs] Perhaps you have to stop looking in order to find what you're looking for. Sato: ... Hitomi: That's the Zen... no, Taoist? I can't remember. That thing of doing by not doing. Sometimes, you just have to be instead of always trying to do. Whatever that means. Sato: No, I think you're exactly right. I've been running around without knowing where I'm going, and you never get anywhere doing that. And all the omens led me back here anyway. Thank you, Hitomi. Hitomi: [nods] You're welcome. So...what about us? Sato: [stares intently at a blade of grass] I still... I didn't leave because I didn't like you. Hitomi: I can't just go back to how we were before, but I wish... I want... You know what I mean. Sato: How about if we just try again from the start? Maybe go on a date and work from there. Hitomi: [with a warning tone] If you miss this one because the Seven Deadly Sins have escaped from their prison on the Rock of Eternity again... Sato: They did escape! I had to go! Hitomi: [dryly] Strange that they had such good timing to enable you to get out of going to the Yakusho Koji film festival. Sato: Every dark cloud has a silver lining. Hitomi: Uh huh. Well, you can go see his latest movie with me on Friday. Be ready at seven. And if any evil spirits escape, they'll just have to wait until Saturday to play with you. Because if you don't show up... Sato: [dryly] I'll let the spirits know there's a moratorium on escaping their ancient prisons. I'm sure they'll be happy to cooperate. Hitomi: [jumps to her feet] So remember, be there on Friday. No spirits, no excuses, no evil gods. Yutaga: Hmm, where is my rolodex... Hitomi: [blinks] What? Sato: Yutaga, SHUT UP. Yutaga: Hmm, what all fun things can I do on a date... Hitomi: Where's that voice coming from... Sato, what have you done this time? Sato: [begins to sweat] I angered the goddess of mercy. Hitomi: Hmph! Sounds about right. Well, come with me, and you can tell me all about it. Yutaga: Well, it all started when I was just a little shade... Sato: YUTAGA! [Fade to black as they head into the house.] =============================================================================== finis. =============================================================================== There's a dark cloud ahead +---------------------------------------+ A place we can't see | Writers: ............... David Tai | We don't know what tomorrow holds | ........ Christian Bremer | But believe you me | ........... Paul Gallegos | | ....... John Walter Biles | Take it one day at a time | ............. Jeff Hosmer | Don't try to hide +---------------------------------------+ Take the reins of your life | Artist: ...... Alexandra Teixeira | Make a choice - gotta decide 'cause +---------------------------------------+ | DnR Companion: Mike "Nelson" Gulick | You get one chance +---------------------------------------+ One chance to get it right | Special Thanks to: ............ J., | That's what I was told | Tucson Animation Screening Society, | But after all this time | and of course Rumiko Takahashi | I'm living my life +---------------------------------------+ And now I know | Copyright (c) 2000 | There's always a second chance | Digital Knight Communications | Take it one day at a time +---------------------------------------+ =============================================================================== "Ranma 1/2" and its characters Copyright (c) 2000 Viz Communications, Inc., Shogakukan, Kitty Animation and Rumiko Takahashi ===============================================================================